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A new singer for Black Sabbath (written during their reunion tour of 1998)
I don't think Sabbath should quit after this reunion. I think Tony should strike out into uncharted waters and carry the Sabbath name to new heights, or at least latitudes. Of course, he'll need a new vocalist. I would suggest he go against conventional wisdom and go with someone outside the hard rock world, thus sending a signal that he's ready to move in new directions. Here are some possible candidates:
THE THREE TENORS: Obviously, the top choice. Not only do they create a *huge* crossover market, they would really lend some weight (pun intended) to the more operatic stuff done by Dio and Martin. Just imagine Pavarotti wailing away on Mob Rules, and you'll see what I mean. ("If you listen to FOOOOOOOOOOOOOLS...") And if Tony really does just want to grind on the classics, this will allow him to go for some *truly* classic material: I've always thought Verdi's "Aida" could use some nice'n'juicy guitar chords.
TOM JONES: OK, so the Three Tenors might be booked. Tom Jones has been mooted before, and I think he could do a damn fine job. Sure, the tempo on "War Pigs" would have to come up a bit, bit Jones could do it. With horns, of course. Conversely, they could take some of Jones' standards into minor keys and goth 'em up a bit and get away from the underwear-tossing crowd in a hurry. (Then again, maybe not. Jones has got some die-hard fans out there. He could probably chew off a bat head and pee on historical landmarks and they'd still love him to pieces... and if he did those things, it would give him instant credibility as a hard rock star.)
WAYNE NEWTON: I don't think I'm alone in noticing the similarities between "Danke Schoen" and "Megalomania." Both songs are about loving and leaving, and they are interchangable. David Lee Roth showed us the way from metal to Vegas; let's see ol' Wayne here show us the way back. I bet Newton could really do the Ozzy stuff well, as he's got that funny (not "ha-ha" funny, but "get away from my daughter you sicko" funny) quality to his vocals. I bet he could really rip on the "Never Say Die" material. Likewise, I think Tony Iommi's guitar playing could really compliment Newton's Vegas and Branson acts.
MEL TORME: The Velvet Fog. Need I say more? Get Ella Fitzgerald in as well and I bet they could do some mean scatting on the stuff from the first album, especially "Bassically" and "Warning." Doo bee doo bee doo bee doo waahh... (And isn't what "Paranoid" really needs to make it a true classic is a "tin pan alley" finish -- you know, that piano "clink, clink, clink" and a final chord flourish from the big band? Torme could bring that with him.)(He might even get confused as some kinda cousin of Bernie Torme, and make everyone think Sabbath has *two* lead guitarists.)
BARBARA STREISAND: C'mon Tony! We know you were inspired by "Funny Girl" when you wrote that riff for "Back Street Kids." Now tunes like "Sign of the Southern Cross" and "Symptom of the Universe" can sound like butter, sheer butter. Of course, it'll be hard to get her to go on tour, but I suppose Celine Dion would always be happy to fill her shoes. And if Celine won't, I bet Rob Halford will.
That's my top five list. In case the above aren't available, here's some also-ran honorable mentions Iommi should seriously consider before abandoning the band name. (Since any singer will get fans to say, "It ain't Ozzy. It just isn't the same," it won't matter how different the vocalist is...)
* The O'Jays |
* Luther Vandross |
* Garth Brooks (Almost serious... you know this cowboy wants to rock... country just pays his bills) |
* Johnny Cash (The ORIGINAL "Man in Black"... he even did a song called "Heavy Metal." True, it was a song about a D100 Caterpillar, but metal is metal is metal.) |
* Cyndi Lauper |
* Tiffany or Debbie Gibson (never can tell them apart...) |
* Steve Perry (for that long, painful "ballad" phase some groups go through when they die out) |
* Ringo Starr (I hear he's been free since 1971...) |
* Tiny Tim ("Tiptoe Through the Tulips" would evermore ROCK!!!)(Hey, actually, move him to the top of the list! This guy's severely underrated!) |